|
 My name is Peter Barzakh. I am 45 years old. I was born and lived in Ukraine where, until the age of 15, I was an exemplary child. But being a good boy and receiving good marks at school didn’t provide me with the things I’d expected from life. I had a constant feeling of uncertainty from which I felt would never leave me. Then, suddenly, everything changed. I began smoking cigarettes, drinking wine and getting into fights. I did these things just to prove my own self worth, to draw the attention of others and to assert myself in any way I could. Soon after I began using hashish. This provided temporary euphoria, lightness of spirit, freedom from behavioral restraints and the most important a sense of inner freedom. I felt as if I couldn’t live without these heightened sensations. A year later I started to use hard drugs. By, what seemed to me to be, inertia I graduated from school with good marks. But most of my life was focused on using drugs.
In 1983 I went into the army. During my first year in the army I realized that there is such a thing as life without drugs. But in the second year I turned once again to drugs. After my term of service in the army was completed I used my preferential admission to the Institute, and began studying at the School of Linguistics. At that time I didn’t have the constant feeling of uncertainty anymore, but I still used drugs, convincing myself of their significance via self-serving rationalization. This «happy life» eventually brought about «sad results.» ...my girlfriend left me, by telling me «I tired to fight with you for you». Then, those whom I thought were real friends abandoned me. My only regular companions were drug addicts, like me. We had only one common interest — drugs.
In May 1991 I arrived in Israel. I thought that this would be a turning point in my life. Destiny gave me a serious chance to leave drugs in my past and to start a new life. I hoped for it so much but I was unfortunately proven wrong. Within a year I realized that I had only changed my geographic location but not my life. Year after year it became worse and worse. My parents were tired of having to deal with my drug oriented life style, and so was I.
Suddenly I noticed strange changes in my mom. She stopped swearing with me and much to my amazement, became calm. Twice a week she went somewhere in the evening and was, seemingly, always reading the Bible. Very soon after that she asked me If I might like to speak to people who can help me. In order to not offend my parents, I agreed. A day after that, the pastor of my moms’ church came to visit us in our home. The first thing that touched me was seeing a real light in the eyes of this man. After speaking to him I started to attend Saturday services in a Baptist church. Later I came to the Christian rehab center, but became a believer only year after that. Even after that I again succumbed to the lure of drugs, until the time came when I understood that to be separated from church for me is spiritually dangerous. God gave me an understanding that only being with Him consistently provides real freedom and most importantly assurance of eternal life. Now, thanks be unto God, I have made the decision to be in His strong hands and to serve Him. Where and how I serve, doesn’t matter. I don’t want to lose Gods’ love, grace and freedom which comes only from Him.
To date I’ve been studying for 4 months at the Bible school and believe that God will give me the power to finish my studies, practice, and to start to serve those people who still need a Savior as I once did. But now I have my Savior!
December 2010 |
